you've gotta let go
by HylianFishFood
Summary: Audrey hates the villain kids right when she meets them, but Ben looks at them like he's never felt so much joy before in his life. He hasn't looked at her like that in months. She puts on a plastic smile and detests herself.


**SONG: Eat That Up, It's Good For You - Two Door Cinema Club**

 **feltgoodinc on tumblr / this is crossposted on Ao3**

* * *

 **I.**

Audrey lives her life by a formula, and she thinks it's a damn good one. There's a pre-existing template for princesses, guidelines that tell her to be pretty and she will be loved.

So she is pretty, and she is loved. And she doesn't think about it more than that.

 **II.**

(She does think about it more than that, how can she not, when it goes so much deeper? When it consumes her thoughts weekly, daily, hourly, when it looms, inescapable, in every action she does?

She worries - is she pretty enough to be loved? If she is not loved, is it her fault? Is the beauty from the inside? The outside? Is she a good enough person? Has she focused too much herself, not enough on others?)

 **III.**

Some princesses rescued themselves. Some princesses were their own heroes, and some of them never needed to be rescued at all.

Audrey is the latter. She thinks it's probably for the best that the villains are on the Isle, and she's safe here, in Auradon. It means that she will never awaken from a thousand year slumber to soft breath on her still lips, that she will never gaze hopelessly out a tower window and long for a savior, that she will never come to forget her own value and place it on a man who isn't even there yet.

She's glad for it. She knows her worth. But it also means that she is not guaranteed a happy ever after, that she will have to make her own.

 **IV.**

Chad is obsessed with the idea of true love, fascinated by the idea that all it takes is one person to guarantee happiness. He so badly wants to live this fantastical dream that it almost hurts to hear about.

It's Chad who suggests, when they're 11, barely comfortable in their own skin, that maybe they're each other's true loves. They've known each other for so long, he justifies, that maybe it's always been there.

So Audrey agrees to a tentative first kiss with her best friend since childhood. It's not elegant at all, both of them inexperienced, but there's no spark, no life-changing or earth shattering magic, and it's Chad who pulls away first, visibly let down.

"Maybe we're too young," he suggests. Audrey shrugs, and feels like her satisfaction with this outcome might be a bad thing.

 **V.**

It's not a surprise that Ben starts dating her. She's the head of the cheerleading squad, the most beautiful girl at Auradon Prep, certainly the most confident. Ben is sweet, and he blushes when he asks her out and seems almost surprised when she says yes. Audrey is ecstatic - she's been holding out on romance, waiting for a man who deserves her. Ben is romantic and gentlemanly and considerate, and she knows that this is her happy ending.

But the problem is that Ben doesn't seem to like her very much.

Okay, that's a bit inaccurate. He liked her fine at first, used to hold her hands in class and in the halls, and plan dates and make an effort to hang out with her and listened to her talk and - she chokes herself, thinking on the things Ben used to do. Because he doesn't do any of them anymore, not a one. Kisses that once set off butterflies are chaste and unpleasant, smiles that once radiated happiness are thin and stretched.

So she doubles and redoubles her effort, not even thinking about how unhappy they both are. She told herself that they were permanent, and she isn't ready to give up on that yet.

 **VI.**

"Am I doing something wrong?" She asks Chad, hoping that he's too busy on his phone to hear the worry in her voice or see the fear in her eyes. "What happened?"

"Ben's just too focused on those stupid villain kids," Chad suggests. "It's his first royal...event. It has to go well or he's gonna look really dumb."

"You think he'd pay some attention to me, though," she sighs. Chad shrugs.

 **VII.**

Audrey hates the villain kids right when she meets them. Of course she does, because they're bad kids, who look at Ben like they're going to devour him, pick his bones clean, but Ben looks at them like he's never felt so much joy before in his life.

He hasn't looked at her like that in- months.

She puts on a plastic smile and detests herself.

 **VIII.**

When Audrey looks at Carlos, she sees: a boy who was once the runt of the pack, who twisted it and learned how to use it to his advantage, who hides behinds his small frame and his freckles to get what he wants (who he wants, maybe). When Ben looks at Carlos, he sees: a kid who needs help, who just needs to be valued.

When Audrey looks at Jay, she sees: manipulation and charm wrapped into a package that's soft on the eyes, hiding his aggression. Sees his disdain for others, sees how he looks at her like he can use her. When Ben looks at Jay, he sees: confidence and a dazzling smile, someone who adapts to his environment with a grin on his face, a teammate.

When Audrey looks at Evie, she sees: a false princess who lives in her own delusions and fantasies, a girl who thinks too highly of herself, who views others as pawns for her own dreams. When Ben looks at Evie, he sees: a girl who was wrapped up in society and in stories, who could be great but is restricted by oppressive daydreams.

When Audrey looks at Mal, she sees hatred and bitterness and resentment and a million other bad things. When Ben looks at Mal, Audrey has the sinking suspicion that he sees his next girlfriend.

Audrey tries as hard as she possibly can to get Ben to see them like she does, but Ben has glued his rose-colored glasses to his face, and it doesn't work at all.

 **IX.**

"They're not bad kids." Ben says, for the hundredth time. By this point, he's abandoned the patient grin and any trace of softness on his face, and replaced it with annoyance and crossed arms.

"Have you seen how they act?" Audrey replies, knowing that these words won't impact Ben any more than they did the first time she said them. Ben doesn't grace her with a response.

 **X.**

Something is different. Ben hasn't spoken to her, even though there's a big game later that day, and Ben has never skipped the good luck kiss, no matter how bad it's been. But cheerleaders don't cry, so Audrey beams her way through the game, cheers Ben's name and leads her squad.

And afterwards, Ben grabs the microphone, and he looks so excited that Audrey feels pain in her chest. She has to be better for him, be nicer, be more open, be anything that he needs. He starts to spell….something. She thinks it could be-

Marriage? Marry me?

Mal.

Audrey's smile drops from her face. Her arms fall to her side and her hands clench into fists, teeth bared. She feels a chill wash over her, feels her blood run cold. She ducks under the bleachers before anyone can see her cry, shaking as she listens to the roar of the crowd, to the enthusiasm in Ben's voice. How could he do that to her?

So she rubs her eyes until her skin burns, and storms out there and grabs Chad's hand. "Chad's my boyfriend now," she says with a confidence she does not possess. "So I don't need your pity date to coronation." Ben doesn't seem upset enough by this, so she presses her mouth against Chad's in some desperate attempt to gain the upper hand.

It's not pleasant at all, maybe even worse than their first kiss, if that's possible. Audrey doesn't feel anything, can't even put in any effort, she's too focused on holding in her tears, while Chad is arguably trying too hard to get anything from it. It's Audrey who breaks away first. She whirls back to face Ben, who is unaffected, and before she can embarrass herself further she storms away, dragging Chad with her.

 **XI.**

"How long do you want to do this?" Chad asks, frowning.

"As long as it takes." Audrey says, and she doesn't think about it any more then that.


End file.
